Hi again, it's just me. I wanted to continue where we left off last time. This time I want to say thank you for being open and honest with me. Sharing your feelings and thoughts is important to me. I know we haven't always gotten along, we both have a part in that truth. I know you say that I don't listen, but I have and I do. I try to go to you for advice and I try to listen. I appreciate it when you listen & take me seriously as well and realize it's just advice. I don't always get what I'm trying to say out correctly, for whatever reason, so there may be more to take into account.
When it comes to me being around negative people and situations, I figured that out a long time ago, whether you told me or not. I am loyal and love people to a fault, so your advice on that was good, but still, I'm going to be me. There was a time when it was very difficult for anyone to correct or challenge me, but I've gone from silent rage to a fool in rage to quiet rage, calmed down. Just like you say you have changed, so have I. I don't feel it's worth it to be angry or yell and scream. It's a bunch of unnecessary stress. I also feel it's too much to be sad and depressed, or whatever, because of the situations and people that are around. I've actually separated myself from a lot of situations where the energy was bad, because I'm dealing with things. For example, take our relationship. I was a kid when we met. I was being influenced on both sides towards the other and it showed everytime with each. I love my family and want the best for everyone, even if it doesn't include being besties.
Anyways, it's 2016, we have both decided at one time or another to separate ourselves from the other. For whatever reason it may have been eventually one of us tries to reconcile. I noticed when I was young and lived with you and your mom, I went from loving to angry and you went from angry to loving. I think of hugs and kisses when I say this. I used to describe you to people as looking like a big, scary, Black man. Not that you were that way, it's just the way you carried yourself in my eyes. I don't do that anymore, because I don't see you as big and scary, just confident. Once I was able to speak to you instead of writing letters and stand my ground, I felt I could handle anyone.
I started to really pay attention to how I was treating you when we were at the restaurant and you found another way home, it was the second time where I was negative about you with the people you know, in public. I realized something was wrong, I was not really settled with some things that had happened or was happening. You may have felt the same way. So, I expressed myself in the wrong situation with the wrong people. I was on the defense and it put you on the defense. I don't think I've ever apologized, nor have we discussed those situations. So, I will apologize here and when I speak with you again. I will be specific about these two situations. I can't remember much, but I do remember. I do know we were not good around each other and we still aren't. I'm hoping you expressing yourself to the point you did this time will create a bond between us. It's really hard pretending and acting like someone you love very much and want the best for does not exists. I hate it.
Since I've matured and gotten to know myself more, I try to make sure others know they can be honest and real with me even more. A lot of times it's a misunderstanding, sometimes someone forgets, other times it's just a lot of stuff is just going on and other stuff hasn't been dealt with. Even when I seem obstinate or just biding my time, I have always and will continue to consider others advice, opinions etc. The only one that knows what's going to happen is God. Even He gives us free will.
There's more to what you said about negative situations, guys and church. I will save that for another days space.
I'm am not a licensed