I hope this post finds you all doing the same. I've been working a lot and now it should start slowing down. It's made for a pretty emotional few weeks withnot being on my usual schedule from weather, illness and work hours. I have not been able to attend any of my meetings. I did however get to have a great Valentine's party. An important part of healing for me is consistency, a regular schedule. I was depressed and very stressed out. My only release was playing my games. I was having a hard time getting motivated and felt my work was not cutting it for my employers. Fortunately I had a good friend encourage me to not give up. Despite the fear my physical and mental limitations will keep me from succeeding in any of my further pursuits, I have to distinguish the negative self talk. So I pray and fight daily. No matter what I think, it just might not be true. I can't live my life believing everything I think or feel. Being a survivor of abuse, a lot of one's thinking would seem irrational to someone who isn't. If someone could read those thoughts, or sense them, and acted on them, it could confuse the survivor and send them spiraling out of reality. There are people who do such things intentionally, they become a manipulator. I've started to recognize these types and am fighting reflecting their attitude with me on them or others. Basically, stopping the circle of the abused becoming the abuser again. When feasible, I question them, their intentions. Mostly, I don't live feeling guilty for things I shouldn't or responsible for what others are thinking. You don't question, you don't know. Rumors are everywhere. If someone doesn't know you they may make something up. They may listen to others information. You aren't responsible for others behavior, they aren't children you are caring for. People may misinterpret something I say, because my mind doesn't synch all the time with my words, lol. So, I could have a whole, clear thought in my mind, but itcomes out wrong or incomplete. If I don't try to correct or complete the thought or sentence and am not questioned, it could leave a bad vibe between me and others. It's ok to question if you don't understand.It's okay if you have a hard time explaining difficult things or how those things affect every day things.
Another fact, everybody doesn't have to know everything about you, including why you do, act, speak, react, or whatever, the way you do. I'll say it again, it's a tough road of change and healing. You make mistakes, hurt people, get your feelings hurt, but it's worth it to gain yourself back. Learning to forgive yourself and showing yourself grace and understanding will help lessen the effects. With that, remember you never know how others are doing, so focusing on staying thankful and positive with yourself needs to flow over into how you understand and interact with them. We still may keep secrets, just not be able to physically handle the stress of doing so. So get it out, pray, write, scream in a pillow, cry, talk to a trustworthy friend, something healthy and beneficial. Your mind and body will thank you.
I hope the best for you. I'm going to do my best to continue this treck with you. I plan on making things a little more secure for sharing in the forum. Currently you can make an anonymous log in easily and share if you like. Don't forget to follow me on Facebook, link above. Know your worth and respect yourself. More than...
I'm am not a licensed