Well, it's Christmas Eve & it really doesn't feel like it. Each year it seems less & less the family holiday it could be. I just remind myself the importance of & why we are celebrating Christmas. That helps. Some things I've been enlightened with are that people who want to control it all & tend to push away all they can't control, are pushing away God, too. That's what I've done in the past. I'm no longer pushing, but God is sorting for me, helping me to take care of me & then others. I realize I can not control everything, nor do I really want to do so. I just need to take responsibility for what He has put me in charge of. So I focus on those things as He reveals them to me. I am happier for it & feel freer as well.
With that said, I've notice that I am at a point in my life where I don't want to bother with a lot of things. At work I have looked up to have someone staring at me & I hope that the person is just daydreaming. Considering my situation, I now know it's normal to not want them staring at me. They look me dead in the eye, I don't know why. Maybe they are trying to figure me out. They don't even really speak to me, just stare sometimes. Maybe they are sleeping, ha! I have no problem answering most questions. I've changed & grown a lot, become more of my normal self over the last couple years. I understand who I am now more than ever, even why I became someone I hated. So I love myself. I don't want to guess or wonder or ask or mean mug anybody at this time. I just look away. I try to keep a smile on my face & share positive vibes with everyone. I've had to separate myself from at least one person, because I felt they were getting too close to me & they had the smell of alcohol on their breath. Hopefully it was Listerine. I've learned I don't have to explain. I just separate. It's not that I don't like or don't care for that person's welfare, I just don't need for someone to think that I want them all up in my face like that, especially if they are married.
People talk, we know this. You may be talked about negatively or positively, but it is none of your business what they think. I first heard Wendy Williams say that on her talk show & it really encouraged me. I try to ask questions, not to talk negatively about people I work, but to just try to get to know & understand them. Staying away from gossip. People have a right to their own thoughts. I know, when I'm trying to think through something in my head about a person or whatever, I would not necessarily like that person to even catch a hint of that thought sometimes. Just trying to work through what you know, what you don't know, what you think you now, etc. can be a headache, and may not sound nice out loud until it's a finished thought, lol. Like I said, God helps me to navigate & to understand my own boundaries as well as those I interact with. I enjoy my coworkers & those in authority. I try not to be in everybody's business. Sometimes I get hyper or excited though & forget, kind of like a kid. But, I am a grown woman, just rediscovering & redefining her own self. I know I'm not alone in my journey, or else I probably wouldn't be doing this. (If you know someone else this may help, please share.) I have my love for people & caring back, but it can have its' negatives, because a lot of the world seems to not work the way I think :). I've just had to become more aware & appreciate, once again, our differences & similarities. I also appreciate my right to say "no" & my responsibility to accept "no" as an answer.
Lastly, there's been so much loss just within the last week around the state, nation & world. We have to focus on the positives. We are still here for a reason, whether we know it or not. We are shown worthy through that very fact. Just keep taking care of yourself & moving forward. Give it up to God, to Jesus to bear your burdens & the Holy Spirit to bring you peace & understanding. Don't forget to do something nice for yourself.
I'm am not a licensed