Okay, so I just need to get this out to my first August. It wasn't easy, it was wanted. I was going through so much unknown emotion and, now I know I was a joke, I was set up. How or who may be you, I don't know. So, after I apologized for something I know now was a problem kids have and you tried to accuse me of something I know didn't happen, after all that, I tell you basically what happened to me. You played games acted like a child and messed with my head. I gave you too much of me, because, in my heart I didnt want anything else once I heard your voice, if it was even yours. I fought you verbally from the beginning, you and even I didn't realize at the time I'd been raped by the "only 1" man, that the abuse I endured as a child affected us in every moment I interacted with you or whoever it was. So once again, I was taken advantage of left hanging not understanding what I was doing wrong. The answer to the question I now believe you may have been asking when I was still riddled with guilt is, I dreamt it. When I had no contact with you, as a child. I was exposed early and, even though I pushed every guy away and wanted to hurt every chick speaking me of being gay, the desires stayed. This is normal. My normal is not everybody's normal. Bittersweet as that, is it's true. I never hit you in anger, yelled when you weren't listening. I finally saw you as a man and I'm the one who suffers. Stupid church for not even knowing my situation and making feel guilty for things I didn't understand as a child and until now. You, your family, friends, whoever feels that this was the way to handle things I cannot begin to say what effect this has had on me. But now I'm here, never to know if I will trust enough or even find someone stronger than you and the rest of the jackasses. I need you to get out of my head, you didn't want me as I was, but there's no reason for this. My prayer is for you to be a man who now respects himself and women enough to know you are worth more. You weren't even on my list of wants, including your looks. I'm tired of defending those that hurt me and took advantage of my distraught mind. It only got worse. But it's getting better now. Be your beautiful self whoever you are.
I'm am not a licensed